Voulez-vous Coucher
by MomofPhoenix
Summary: A Babe soulmate story. Beware of some foul language sprinkled throughout.


A/N not mine I own nothing but the plot. Warning for language.

I am sorry it's been so long since I have posted anything. I'm going to be honest, I haven't been doing very well. My friends who follow me on FB know this, as I use it almost as a way to document how I'm physically doing. I recently started a new medication for Pulmonary Hypertension and I'm hoping that I'm over the awful side effects. I'm a six year survivor and I plan to keep fighting and raising awareness. I also have a diagnosis of Addisons disease which JFK had as well. I'm on so many medications that I feel like a walking pharmacy and mini doctors office with everything I have to carry with me. Please bare with me as I slowly get back to writing. If you want to, you can also find me in AO3 with the same pen name. You can also find me on FB under my name Lynda Gettier.

I hope this one shot will help get me back in the groove of things with JE and that you enjoy it. Yes, this one is a Babe soulmate story.

Thank you,

Lynda

Voluez-vous coucher

No one knew what Ranger's words were, only that he had them. Well, that's not entirely true, he had a false positive when he was nineteen. It's how he ended up with a daughter, a divorce, and a distrust of the entire soulmate business.

His ex-wife said his words to him, but it turned out that she was a blank. She had no words anywhere on her skin. He had been drunk the night they met and hadn't covered up up words well enough; she saw them and decided that she wanted him. He found out her deviousness the day he was deployed on his first mission. While he was gone she wrote to him and informed him as his pending fatherhood.

He was able to arrange leave and went back and married her so his child would have his benefits. He also let her know, that under no circumstances would it be a real marriage. They divorced when his daughter was a year old. He made himself a promise that very day. No matter what, even when he met his soulmate, he would response would be rude enough to scare her away. A woman who would say those words to him wasn't the type of woman he wanted to be with anyway. At least he was pretty sure it was a woman with the curly way the writing looked.

He had taken a call from Connie at the bonds office earlier. She was calling in the favor he owed her for getting information and a member of her Family. Vinnie's cousin was starting out as a BEA and needed help. If this man turned out to be as big of a putz as Vinnie, he'll write him off during this conversation and wipe his hands clean of the debt he owes Connie. Unfortunately, he knew nothing of this relative of Vinnie's; the only thing he knew was that they would be a walking disaster. He felt the need for a decon shower, brain bleach, and antinausea pills whenever he was in the same 5 mile radius as the weasel.

He should have gotten the guys name so he could have run a quick background check on him, but he had been distracted at the cop shop, when he found out that the other asshole he had to deal with more frequently than he liked, had some chick chasing him down since he jumped bail. That was something he wanted to stay on top of, because it would be just desserts for the "_Italian Stallion_" to get what was coming to him. He hated dirty cops and considered Morelli to be one of the worst. The idiot washed out of Seals training and bad mouthed anyone who was special forces. He took money from the mob to look the other way and regularly slept with the hookers on Stark in exchange for not arresting them.

He ran a hand down his face and debated on whether he could get away with send Tank. He has things to get done today. He didn't have time for this shit. He was trying to get his company off the ground here in Trenton. He already had a large customer base in Miami that was steadily growing as well as in Boston and Atlanta. He had no idea what possessed him to open up an office in the hell hole known as Trenton, New Jersey. It put him in way too close of a proximity of his family. The was an entire different can of worms he didn't want to open. The only biological family he still had contact with either worked for him, or was his daughter, Julie.

He pulled out his cell to text Tank to take the meeting when the man in question walked into his unfinished office. He cocked and eyebrow in question at his large friend.

"Bobby called, he needs me to come down to the TPD. There seems to be some confusion about his BEA license. I'm taking the paperwork down to clear it up," Tank informed him.

"I was going to have you meet with Vinnie's new BEA, apparently it's one of his relatives," Ranger told Tank with a sigh.

"Fuck that shit. I'd rather deal with Gaspick, before I stood anywhere near one of the weasels family members. The man is probably a walking STD with different mutated livestock diseases. You're on your own there brother," Tank stated and walked out.

Ranger looked at his watch and knew that he had to get going. He wanted to be in place before, what had to be an idiot, got there. As he loaded up his belt, he decided to face this like a life threatening mission. He steeled his shoulders and dropped his blank face. He put his Kevlar on and grabbed his keys. He was going to put the fear of any god that was out there into this man and hopefully he would run for the hills screaming and not quacking like a duck.

He took a deep breath and got into his car; it was time to play the devil's advocate.

_**SPOV**_

She was having the year from hell and that didn't even include any of her childhood where she was scorned for the words written her her skin. She made a promise to herself that she was going to punch her soulmate in the damn nose as soon as they said her words. She was counting it as a blessing that she was nearly thirty one and hadn't met the fucker yet. The only nice thing she could come up with about them was that they had that perfect cursive hand writing that use to make her jealous. The dickweed probably had perfect attendance and was a rich snob that went to a boarding school. Probably it was someone who would want the perfect soulmate and she wasn't it.

Her soulmate would most likely reject her just like her mother said he would. Then she would have her mother really forcing Morelli down her throat. That was a damn jackass if she ever saw one. His own soulmate left him when he tried to control her life and said she couldn't go to college.

The issues of her soulmate, nor her mother we're actually things nowhere on her list today. They weren't really on her list for the last year. Her current predicament really did involve the ass, Joe Morelli. He was FTA and she had his file and the right to bring him back to jail. The problem was that she had never worked as a BEA or Bond Enforcement Agent before. The two college degrees she had never covered how to bring in a fugitive. Hence, the reason for this meeting with another BEA, the _TOP BEA_ in the business, if Connie were to be believed. It was bad enough that she had to blackmail her weasel cousin for the job, but now she had Connie calling in a marker. Now, she would owe the woman.

She contemplated this as she sat in the puke brown Chevy Nova with "_PUSSY_" spray painted on the side. When she glanced up she saw the most gorgeous man she had ever seen in her life enter the diner after giving her car a once over. Despite how good looking he was, she sensed an air of intese danger surrounding him. She felt a strange tingle on the back of her neck, where her words were written in that precise cursive. She noticed him pause at the door and rub the back of his neck as well.

He looked like this Ranger guy that Connie described. She watched him take a seat at a booth that he could observe everything and have his back against a wall. It was now or never and she really needed the money that bringing the scum Morelli in; her hand bag was on the floor and as she snagged it up the strap broke. Sighing with an air of defeat she grabbed it up and and fought with her door to get out of the pussymobile.

One of her favorite songs were playing as she opened the door to the crappy looking restaurant that, in her opinion, served the best burgers and coffee. She fully intended to take advantage of that while they were there. She started walking toward the booth with the man in black, not realizing that she was softly singing along with the music. The intensity of the tingle on her neck grew proportionately with the harsh glare the man was giving her.

She slid into the seat opposite of the man in question as she sang, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"

The man glared at her even harder and replied to her, "You don't look like a damn whore."

She stared at him, turn slightly and lifted the hair off of her neck the asked, "This you?"

He answered with a harsh, "Yes."

He turned and did the same thing. When she saw the very familiar loopy handwriting she did the one thing her daddy had been teaching her to do since she was a little girl. She bloody his nose and began to quietly ream him a new asshole. "You! You are the damn reason I spent my entire life literally labeled a whore! Do you treat all women this way or is this special treatment for your soulmate, you fucking bastard?!"

She was pissed and she had every right to be. She spent her entirely life being put down and belittled by everyone she ever knew, because of his ignorant words. The poem that Morelli wrote in men's bathroom stalls didn't help her reputation in highschool. She didn't date after the bakery incident, she missed her prom and she didn't even have a graduation party like her perfect sister. She only had one friend, because Mary Lou's mother understood what it was like to be saddled with shitty words on her skin.

Her soulmate looked at her in shock as he tried to stem the blood running from his nose. Once he got it stopped he cleared his throat and said, "I had song lyrics that made me think you were propositioning me. This isn't the time to discuss being soulmates. I am waiting for a BEA that needs training for Plum Bail bonds that I am supposed to be meeting."

"You're looking at her. Stephanie Plum, the unfortunate cousin to Vinnie Plum, newly minted BEA and apparently, your soulmate."

The only thing he said was, "Well, son of a bitch. You don't look like a weasel."

"Yeah, we're not sure what happened to the scum bag," she snorted out.


End file.
